Number one is “they never let the first date end,” meaning continuing to share dreams and innermost feelings. Hard as it is to do when house, work, health, children and grandchildren issues pile up, it is important to keep those conversations going. We change and we need to keep sharing who we are with our mate … or serious relationship partner. Terri Orbuch, a psychologist and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great advises talking to your partner for at least 10 minutes a day about non practical issues to avoid “the unhappiness gulch.”
Next is spending “mental time in the nosebleed seats,” by looking at the issues in a disagreement not from one’s partner’s point of view, but from the outside. Northwestern University social psychologist Eli Finkel and his colleagues asked married couples to spend just seven minutes writing about a recent fight with their spouse from the point of view of a neutral observer, three times over the course of a year. When the year was up, those couples had more satisfying, trusting and passionate relationships than couples who didn’t do the writing exercise.”
Third is being generous in small ways, such as having a cup of coffee waiting for your partner when they roll out of bed.